the tea leaf

2011-12-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

Six years and strangely still not over it...

Can't take my eyes off you

2011-05-31T00:22:00.002+08:00

And so it is.

2011-03-10T20:32:00.002+08:00

Today, I miss her rather alot.

2011-03-09T21:33:00.002+08:00

First Haem/ Onco call. Found myself in W77 at 8pm... Memories flooded back of evenings spent there with Mom- bringing her packed food, watching TV, laughing... Mom has left, but the cycle of patients coming in, leaving healthy/ passing away continues. Met one of the nurses who took care of Mom, and the warm hug that followed was really nice.

Though I miss her so much, did feel kinda blessed to be part of doing something for other patients like her.

Places I Like: Yamaguchi.

2011-01-30T18:19:00.005+08:00

On my way to Tsuwano, I happened to stop by Yamaguchi for a few hours. My afternoon there was one of my favourites I had spent in Japan. It was quite a unique town, somewhere halfway between being industralised and retaining a small-town flavour. Went to a fantastic (and free!) exhibition in the Centre for Arts and Media; sent off some postcards from an old-fashioned post office; had a supermarket sashimi lunch; watched children play in a field. Rather a happy afternoon in what felt like a very liveable city.

False Negative.

2011-01-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

Each time I think I'm over it...

In other news, am three months into SGH GS!

2010-11-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

Looking out through the same windows... That same cold, desolate feeling. Knowing there are people who are going through the same feelings, everyday.

2010-11-04T23:38:00.001+08:00

Wonder if you can hear me where you are...

2010-10-30T00:39:00.000+08:00

And I'm so sad
Like a good book I can't put this day back

You and me Sunday driving, not arriving.

2010-10-28T00:16:00.001+08:00

Two of us... A lovely cover of the Beatles song. Think I watched this movie with Mom. :)

Starting work next week. SGH here I come. -__-"

You're so beautiful, with an edge and a charm...

2010-09-26T21:24:00.001+08:00

Lost In Translation.

2010-09-26T11:21:00.002+08:00

Calling up Japanese guesthouses... Oh my, quite a riot. Still so many things to prepare, but Nippon, Nippon on Tuesday!

2010-09-25T10:17:00.002+08:00

Why does this song (and 陶喆 songs in general) remind me of Hwa Chong? :)

不用说我只会胡思乱想
不用跟我说我只会妄想
哗啦啦啦啦啦让我去淋雨
我只希望能再能够再一次回到那个美丽时光里
找自己

2010-09-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

"I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it's just too much. The current's too strong. They've got to let go, drift apart. That's how it is with us. It's a shame, Kath, because we've loved each other all our lives. But in the end, we can't stay together forever."

- from Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro

Never Let Me Go.

2010-09-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

1 year.

Nuovo Cinema Paradiso.

2010-09-20T23:17:00.009+08:00

I love the magic of films, how they transport you into a different world and time. Giuseppe Tornatore's Cinema Paradiso (1988) has poignantly captured a young Italian boy's love of cinema through an epic friendship and a timeless love story.

The music is by the prolific Ennio Morricone, and is gorgeous, a major reason why I enjoyed the film so much. The ending is perhaps one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever watched, and has a lovely significance to the themes of the film.

MBBS.

2010-09-20T18:24:00.004+08:00

My thoughts go back to the examination rooms, NUH Clinic A on 4 Sept and Day Surg OT on 11 Sept. The cold, twisted feeling in my heart as I waited to be called. Relaxing, de-relaxing depending on the situation. Praying for a clear mind and calm heart. Going in not really knowing what to expect.

It's all over now. Grateful for all that I have right now and what I have achieved in the past few months. Including... learning to drive and MBBS. :) And grateful for the people who have come into my life along the way.

Yesterday would have been Mom's 59th birthday. She would be happy to receive my good news, I know. I still think of that quote from The Time Traveler's Wife... "I love you always. Time is nothing." The morning before she went into a coma, I told her that we would love each other forever, and that we would definitely meet again. Time is nothing, as love is timeless.

New challenges lie ahead, and I hope I am up for them.

2010-09-19T19:01:00.000+08:00

Doesn't know how to feel hahaha. TOMORROW.

2010-09-15T22:41:00.003+08:00

Did not take this photo (of Bibimbap). Yummy Korean food with Em and Rose tonight. Love the cold noodles at Kim's Family Restaurant, Upper Bukit Timah Road.

2010-09-14T23:15:00.004+08:00

A pretty still.

2010-09-12T23:02:00.001+08:00

Michael Caine looks cautious, fearful.

MAF was nice this year. Can't believe it's the 38th council already... Congratulations to them.

P.S. Exams are over!

Its loveliness increases.

2010-09-08T22:01:00.001+08:00

... It will never pass into nothingness.

In Between.

2010-09-07T14:15:00.001+08:00

Coffee, anyone?

2010-09-05T11:50:00.001+08:00

:( Sigh not a good feeling post-exams. Now to pick myself up for Surg!

The Last September.

2010-09-05T09:48:00.002+08:00

September, a special month for me. Mom's birthday spent being admitted to hospital, Mom's passing four days later.

The month of my MBBS this year. Will I pass? :/ I want to have good news for my family members so badly.

2010-09-03T16:11:00.000+08:00

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Med clinicals tomorrow.

Haus.

2010-09-02T19:41:00.006+08:00

In love with the interiors of this house in Melbourne, shot by Mikkel Vang. From Vogue Living.

Thought.

2010-09-02T18:57:00.000+08:00

Toof.

2010-08-31T22:59:00.006+08:00

Last year, when I was in Paris, I faced a minor dental emergency. Adventurously, I visited a Parisian dentist. One of the medications I was prescribed was a painkiller known as Propofan. Interestingly, I have found that the main component of Propofan, Dextropropoxyphene, was withdrawn in Singapore just shortly after. This was due to it's unfavourable side effects profile, including the potential for fatal overdose and cardiac arrythmias.

Haha. I am alive.

The dentist was really nice, and spoke cute accented English. His clinic was well-equipped as well. Made me think rather favourably of the French healthcare system afterwards.

Surgery MCQs tomorrow. I hope my current minor emergency clears up soon, before medicine clinicals on Saturday. :(

Miss you guys!

2010-08-29T14:21:00.001+08:00

Photos I saved a while ago from the photofun program.

Gee Gee Gee.

2010-08-28T19:48:00.003+08:00

MBBS Part Deux on Monday...

Hobbity.

2010-08-28T10:06:00.003+08:00

This is so awesome. Stone house in Fafe, Portugal, via Black*Eiffel.

2010-08-28T01:11:00.001+08:00

Living in a bubble, like a goldfish in a bowl. Not knowing how it would truly feel until it happens.

Faraway Heart.

2010-08-25T22:06:00.001+08:00

It's you!

2010-08-24T16:21:00.003+08:00

MBBS has started! More study-time Kpop... Awww "It's you" is Super Junior's best song ever! Even if every member sings for only like... 10 seconds.

2010-08-19T01:12:00.000+08:00

2010-08-10T20:41:00.001+08:00

Went to the optician's last week... They have a cat!

Sunny Korean People.

2010-08-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

MBBS is coming! May there be sunnier days ahead!

Pictures.

2010-08-04T06:53:00.004+08:00

Mom and Pap in 2009.

I miss you so much Mommy. It's coming to the one year anniversary of your passing, and I wonder how you're doing now.

Repose.

2010-07-30T23:41:00.002+08:00

My heart in pieces.

How now

2010-07-27T19:34:00.001+08:00

What am I going to do?

Kpop.

2010-07-24T20:52:00.000+08:00

My new exam music.

2010-07-23T08:58:00.000+08:00

Found this online, thought the heart picture was cute. The boy looks happy too. Kudos to modern medicine!

2010-07-20T20:29:00.000+08:00

其实你　是个心狠又手辣　的小偷
我的心　我的呼吸和名字　都偷走

2010-07-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

Presenting cases to the animals...

2010-07-15T19:04:00.003+08:00

Peanut butter M&Ms.
Peripheral neuropathy.
Lipton tea.
Excessive daytime somnolence.
Healing by primary and secondary intention.
Warm friends at NUH.
Pap's birthday.
Driving the Prius.
Thinking of Mom.
Pleural effusions.
MBBS.
5 weeks.

Mad Style.

2010-07-12T20:14:00.002+08:00

Christina Hendricks in Mad Men.

Timely Reminder.

2010-07-12T19:59:00.003+08:00

Clock, Victoria & Albert Museum in London. Pre-MBBS Reminder: A postcard print of this is stuck next to my study table. :) I need a life-sized version...

Irrational Loafer Love.

2010-07-09T22:04:00.004+08:00

Maybe it's the lifestyle they conjure up- Sandy beaches, country clubs, relaxed boating on the seas... Haha. From Sperry Top-Sider.

2010-07-08T20:01:00.001+08:00

Rainy day at the Tower.

2010-07-06T20:43:00.003+08:00

I was out for a walk with my father when we saw a man with a unilaterally wasted lower limb. Upper limbs appeared normal. He hoped on a bicycle and cycled off, meaning his LL function was pretty good. My pap immediately said, this man has polio. I was rather impressed with him. (Yes, other diagnoses can be possible but I think polio's a good ddx.) I guess people from his generation would easily recognise conditions such as polio and leprosy?

Exams are so soon. Insides twisting just abit...

That may be all I need.

2010-07-04T14:43:00.003+08:00

Driving slow on Sunday morning

And I never want to leave

2010-07-01T19:56:00.001+08:00

♥

2010-06-30T21:24:00.001+08:00

The painful, deep ache as I look through old photos. The events of last year are clear again, nothing has changed. MBBS is coming, I wish you could see me graduate as you wished so much. Yet somehow I think the news will get to you, when I do pass and become a doctor.

2010-06-28T21:49:00.002+08:00

Reading cardiology articles from the 1950s... Suddenly realised I've been confusing myself for months! :( Not a good feeling close to MBBS.

2010-06-27T13:08:00.003+08:00

My desktop is dead! Sigh.

2010-06-23T18:56:00.004+08:00

I can drive!!! :D

Jitters.

2010-06-22T21:17:00.001+08:00

from Mary and Max, which looks excellent!

Ueno Juri, Japanese actress.

2010-06-21T19:23:00.003+08:00

Style/ Hair-inspiration. She's so pretty too.

2010-06-21T19:02:00.001+08:00

Margarethe II and Prince Henrik of Denmark at the Swedish royal wedding. Cute! From projectrungay.

Where the Wild Things Are.

2010-06-20T14:18:00.003+08:00

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

2010-06-19T20:16:00.001+08:00

Punchy yellow.

from Roskanda Ilincic.

2010-06-18T22:08:00.004+08:00

A weekend in 2008, Mom in the distance before being diagnosed with leukaemia. A month or so later I would ask myself why I didn't notice how pale she had become. Remembering her cute blue backpack, the brown hat she wore to cover her hair loss. Remembering how much every day counted.

It was a horrible shock that Mom was diagnosed with a second malignancy after living for almost 1 year with a malignant, aggressive brain tumour. Looking back on those days, I wonder how we got through them. I think of what Mom must have been feeling... She was so brave in the face of death. She worried about us before herself. She was feisty, demanding food, scolding me in her own way even when she was aphasic. I understood her well, even when she was aphasic. :)

Thinking of a young man who faces the diagnosis of cancer, without a family's support... It will not be easy. My heart goes out to him today.

Shhh... Listen.

2010-06-16T22:48:00.001+08:00

Animal Magnetism by Claire Morgan.

Effortless.

2010-06-12T19:54:00.003+08:00

Palmer and Sons.

2010-06-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them calling
Oh Beth what can I do

..................

2010-06-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

Dear up-theres at NUS, what happened to our Up To Date subscription?!

Post FOOSH.

2010-06-09T18:10:00.003+08:00

Been seeing the doctor more often than usual... 0_o

Noses.

2010-06-08T19:41:00.002+08:00

Today, the most physical pain I have endured (in my life so far). Undergoing a rigid nasoendoscopy and two biopsies. Having that rather raw, bloody taste after. Weirdest, most uncomfortable feeling ever! Haha.

And the strings, eee eee eee.

2010-06-06T15:41:00.003+08:00

A warm Sunday, reading in the park (in the shade). Not very successful, think I'm falling ill today. Going to take some medication and sleep.

Is aspirin really called that..?

Cute.

2010-06-05T15:07:00.002+08:00

Via Black Eiffel.

'Tis the weekend! Some lounging and some studying.

Cinderella's Sister.

2010-06-04T21:19:00.004+08:00

Pretty.

At the end of the day you're another day older.

2010-06-02T21:13:00.004+08:00

This song is so powerful.

Les Mis, I will see you again one day...

When I was young and unafraid...

2010-06-02T20:43:00.003+08:00

Met one of my old MOs today and what she said really made my day. It reminded me that there are still sunny days and that when you enjoy something, you feel happy working hard for it.

Have a soft spot for English bulldogs! This one's from Sherlock Holmes...

A feeling.

2010-06-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

The waterfront.

2010-05-31T22:10:00.003+08:00

Sigh had a FOOSH in the toilet like many of our old grannies. Thank goodness for not being osteoporotic... yet. Wrist is still painful and swollen now though. :/

Orient Express.

2010-05-30T21:12:00.004+08:00

What is in store, my friend?

What's somebody like you doing in a place like this?

2010-05-29T12:25:00.002+08:00

I'll never be the same
If we ever meet again
Won't let you get away
If we ever meet again
This free fall, oh got me so, oh
Kiss me all night,
Don't ever let me go
Ill never be the same
If we ever meet again

i carry your heart with me.

2010-05-23T19:37:00.007+08:00

(i carry it in my heart.) - ee cummings

The house was more lively this weekend, with the steady stream of visitors and Grandpa, Grandma and Grandaunt staying over.

Dearest Mom, wonder if you see us... It wasn't so long ago that the house felt festive because of you, and all those who love you. Find myself transported back to those times, being bathed in memories. Seeing you sitting at the coffee table with our family members and friends, weakened by the cancer but still strong in spirit. Missing your laughter so much.

I carry your heart, in my heart.

2010-05-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

Some things, not to be analysed more than others.

Uphill.

2010-05-18T22:02:00.002+08:00

To the peak!

Comfort.

2010-05-17T20:57:00.002+08:00

The weekend becomes the week...

2010-05-16T21:52:00.001+08:00

... again. Swimming to shore.

2010-05-14T23:18:00.001+08:00

Miss your voice... Miss laughing with you.

The doctor dances.

2010-05-10T23:00:00.002+08:00

My dear, how sleepy I am.

2010-05-02T12:07:00.003+08:00

Brunch @ Privé on Labour Day.

Starting NUH Medicine SIP tomorrow. Looking forward to being a good kind of busy... Hopefully.

Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy.

2010-04-30T13:30:00.006+08:00

From The Disparates by Francisco Goya. Dark, haunting etchings depicting the folly of mankind.

What I had been thinking about over the past few years, it ended strangely in an instant... I felt wistful, as though I was saying goodbye to a part of myself that I had stubbornly held on to all this while.

A Mother's Love.

2010-04-29T13:44:00.001+08:00

Leonardo's The Virgin of the Rocks.

Toad the Wet Sprocket.

2010-04-28T20:44:00.001+08:00

And it won't matter now
Whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me

Terrifying.

2010-04-26T11:45:00.002+08:00

Messing up my layout here, but the new season (+ the new doctor!) is fantastic.

2010-04-25T19:43:00.007+08:00

In Bed by Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.

The Floor Scrapers by Gustave Caillebotte.

Broke a large sheet of glass, from one of the picture frames I bought recently to hang my Europe purchases up. My own carelesness, but still the loud crack was rather painful. The two pictures above (both at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris) will be next to each other... The children in bed all restful and the floor scrapers hard at work!

Cartoon: The Virgin and Child with St Anne and St John the Baptist by Leonardo da Vinci.

Surprise! Storm in a Forest by Henri Rousseau.

Am still thinking of places to put these, they're both dramatic in their own ways. I love the gentle, delicate composition of Leonardo's cartoon. And the fiery colour and action in the Henri Rousseau piece.

But I don't have arms.

2010-04-25T00:53:00.001+08:00

Same same...

2010-04-22T17:10:00.001+08:00

... but different.

2010-04-21T21:16:00.001+08:00

To accept, one must give and receive forgiveness.

Journey's Beginning.

2010-04-19T15:52:00.005+08:00

Rain. A quiet afternoon. Studying spinal cord syndromes. A warm cup of mocha.

Thinking of Mom. Photographs of her happy face. Using the Olay night cream she bought and didn't finish.

Driving. Watching Dr Who. Drinking copious amounts of barley tea. Sleeping better than usual. Pink lipstick. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Wanting to pass MBBS too...

The Strange Magic of Angkor.

2010-04-13T21:19:00.010+08:00

The temples of Angkor were not what I was expecting. Despite being accosted everyday by the blazing heat and humidity of April, there was still this strange, mysterious magic... And the morning light walking through the temples was beautiful. Having three days at the temples let me explore some of the smaller gems as well.

Am all browned. Have to start studying soon/ now. :)

Geronimo!

2010-04-07T19:56:00.002+08:00

In 12 hours I will be in Siem Reap...

Going to be extra well-equipped+++ against the sunburn. Looking forward to the temples of Angkor!

2010-03-31T22:06:00.002+08:00

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take
But still somehow it's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

2010-03-28T20:52:00.001+08:00

The same rush after a few years. The heart and mind, they are weak.

Hot & Cold.

2010-03-26T22:27:00.003+08:00

Still feeling rather groggy and achey post my past few days of high fever + myalgia + relatively mild rhinorrea + pharyngitis. Fever subsided on D3 but I was still confined to bed. Think my thermostat remains confused. Haha.

Will have to be working harder soon...